I don’t actually hate sleeping once I am asleep, but I do find the act of having to sleep a real pain.
I have an over-active, creative brain that never switches off. In the dead of night when the world is quiet and I can hear myself think, I come up with my best ideas and find this the perfect time to write. The problem is, to get anything practical accomplished and to interact with the rest of the world, I also need to be awake throughout the day… And here is my dilemma. I don’t even like the thought of having to go to bed any more. My bed has become a horrible place where the pillow gets too hot and the tweeting birds and light pouring in becomes annoying. I even have a Tempur memory foam mattress that feels like you’re floating on a cloud – and still I don’t sleep.
If there was a pill I could take which took care of my body’s unconscious needs whilst awake, I would take it. We live for such as short time and the prime time of our lives only last a few decades; who has got the time to spend a third of that comatose? I know I am in the very small minority here and I am very aware of the cosy feeling when tucked under
your duvet on a cold night; but when you have IBS (Irritable Brain Syndrome) sleeping becomes a real pain. I sometimes spend hours wishing I could fall to sleep in-between the seemingly ingenious and life-changing thoughts I have. Of course when I wake up I realise that the majority of what kept me awake is total garbage.
Saying all this, I do love my dreams. I have intense, detailed dreams with lifelike characters and storylines. I have tried to write down many of these epic tales but recounting your dreams becomes more difficult the more awake you become. So, I find the best time to write is the following night when I’m tired again and my brain is in the same zone… And we’re back to the beginning again.
I don’t regard myself as being an insomniac because I can sleep (albeit from 6am onwards) and once I fall to sleep I find it difficult to wake up. (I’m quite grumpy for the first hour after sleep.) So what is my condition? Do I just have a brain that was designed to keep on going and not let me sleep?
And of course I have to do everything much quieter at night. I live in a flat so sounds have to be much lower, I can’t suddenly switch SingStar and start channelling Robbie Williams. I’m currently writing a comedy show and there have been many times when I’ve wanted act out a scene at four in the morning. Instead, I usually listen to soft music and write. It’s actually very calming and relaxing – well I think so, my brain doesn’t agree!
Without the need to sleep, I could do so much more. The body’s need to rest and repair is wasted time for my creativity and I get frustrated from having to relent to its wishes. Without sleep we automatically get a third of our lives back and if you live until you’re ninety – that’s thirty extra years!
But if this magical pill were invented would it send people insane? For me I have come to terms with my brain working 24/7 but I’m not sure everyone could. My friends and family envy me for my ability to grab words from thin air and create something out of nothing. But the truth is I envy them for being able to shut their brains off and fall to sleep as soon as their head hits the pillow. All of them can do it – even my brother!
So while they all sleep, I write or read or watch mindless hours of Netflix programming. Whatever I do, at some point every night I end up in the same place; laying in bed wishing their was an off switch or a pill to keep me awake while healthy at the same time.
It might be best if I were cryogenically frozen and woken when this pill (or hypo-spray by then I suppose) is invented? Then I wouldn’t have to worry about my brain staying awake and could just ride with it.
Does anyone else have this problem or am I the unique anomaly?
Time check: 03.29
#TerryGee
Post Script: I have tried sleeping pills which yes work, but after a week of not taking them, I fall back into the same pattern – and long term, they are not a good solution for anyone.